Talking all godly and how you’ve changed, guess you didn’t break up a marriage this year. NOTHING will help until you come clean about what you did. You say people USED YOU as a scapegoat? Are you nuts? Who? What did people say about YOU that was not true? Your DPS record speaks for itself. Perhaps instead of wallowing in self pity you should come out and tell the truth about your affair with Mike and Parnell and the events that are eating at you from September 2015.
Come clean, you talk with a lot of bravado against women who don’t like you for sleeping with either their husbands or husbands of their friends, but that isn’t all of it, is it? You did’t mind telling Susan all about it, why not tell all to the rest of us.
Circle all the Bible verses you want, until you tell what happened and YOUR part in it, you won’t be at peace.