A spoof by Harry Storm
https://www.kwtx.com/2026/05/14/birds-attack-multiple-pedestrians-downtown-waco-videos-go-viral
Birds attack multiple pedestrians in downtown Waco, videos go viral
Published: May 14, 2026 at 5:15 PM CDT
Restaurant owner captures springtime chaos on Austin Avenue
Today vulture sized grackels attacked “the venerable” Ralph Strother as he strolled from the Courthouse to Austin Avenue, once again, interfering with the mating cycles of many birds and small mammals..
“Happens every year”, a coffee shop owner who wishes not to be identified said, “they also know his car and cover it in thick, runny pooh, it’s uncanny”.
Local birdwatchers, environmentalists from California, and county employees agree that Ralph indeed drops both the dopamine and hormone levels of mammals and birds in an at least ten block radius. His endless quest for relevance and primal fear of day to day life with Phyllis crippling him from the bitter truth of this “There, there” phase..
One courthouse observer explained it as having a small puppy. Everyone loves it, you had loads of fun with him, now, though, it soils itself, it’s old, you wish it would just die on its own but it doesn’t and no one in the family wants to be the one to take it to the vet.
No one wants to be the one to tell Ralph to go home.
To his face, that is.
Run, Ralph, run.
H
