Mon, Sep 28 at 12:57 PM
Well, butter my biscuit and alert the Texas Rangers — apparently McLennan County has finally found itself a one-man accountability department.
While everybody else was home minding their business, Uncle Early allegedly slipped into the 500 block of Sanger under cover of darkness, alone, armed with nothing but curiosity, determination, and apparently a finely calibrated sense for foolishness.
He didn’t storm the gates. He didn’t call a press conference. He just moseyed on in like a gentleman interested in FK MY X NIGHT, took a look around, counted what appeared to be enough half-dressed grinding bodies to make a fire-code manual start sweating, and reportedly decided somebody might ought to check on that occupancy situation.
Bless it.
Because apparently in McLennan County, if you want answers, you don’t always need a committee.
Sometimes you just need Uncle Early.
And according to the account being circulated, the Fire Marshal’s Office was called and the place was shut down Saturday night.
Now THAT is what I call taking the scenic route to civic engagement.
Meanwhile, the rest of McLennan County can spend months asking questions, requesting records, waiting on explanations, watching responsibility get passed around like a casserole at Sunday dinner, and occasionally discovering that everybody in charge has suddenly developed a severe case of “I don’t recall.”
But Uncle Early?
Honey, he apparently just puts on his shoes and goes LOOK.
There’s an old saying commonly associated with former Texas Ranger Captain Bill McDonald:
“No man in the wrong can stand up against a fellow that’s in the right and keeps on a-comin’.”
Well, somebody might want to embroider that on a pillow for Uncle Early.
Because while the rest of us are trying to figure out who knew what, who approved what, who investigated what, who recused themselves from what, which records we’re allowed to see, and whether another Attorney General opinion will be requested before somebody tells the taxpayers what in the Sam Hill is going on around here…
Uncle Early is apparently still a-comin’.
I can already see the award ceremony:
🎖️ MEDAL OF VALOR FOR EXCEPTIONAL SERVICES IN THE FIELD OF NIGHTCLUB OCCUPANCY RECONNAISSANCE
🔑 KEYS TO THE CITY
📜 Special Commendation for Services Above and Beyond the Call of Nosiness
And perhaps the most prestigious McLennan County honor of all:
🏆 THE “SOMEBODY FINALLY WENT AND LOOKED” AWARD
Assistant Fire Chief John Johnston can hand him the giant ceremonial key.
Somebody get the American flag.
Somebody straighten Uncle Early’s medals.
And for heaven’s sake, somebody laminate that FK MY X NIGHT flyer for the historical archives.
Because around here, truth is occasionally stranger than satire — and satire is having one hell of a time keeping up.
When asked for comment, Uncle Early needn’t give us a 14-page report, a consultant’s study, a carefully worded statement, or an explanation of why the explanation can’t presently be explained.
Just two words:
“CASE CLOSED.”
Godspeed, Uncle Early.
McLennan County has committees, departments, elected officials, lawyers, investigators and enough government paperwork to wallpaper the courthouse.
But apparently what it really needed was one determined old man willing to go see what the hell was going on.
And honey…
he keeps on a-comin’.
XOXO 💋
A Southern Belle Who Has Completely Run Out of Pearls to Clutch
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